Tesla Cybertruck Is Officially Just a Giant Missile Target-No Exceptions
Hello everyone. Today’s tale is one part absurdity, one part future-tech theater, and entirely the kind of headline that makes you rub your eyes and ask, “Is this real life or an elaborate mod for Kerbal Warfare Program?” The U.S. Air Force, in all its wisdom – and taxpayer-funded creativity – has decided that Elon Musk’s beloved stainless-steel triangles on wheels, the Tesla Cybertruck, now have their highest calling: being used as target practice for precision missiles. Yes. You heard correctly. Not keeping the peace, not saving the environment, but being turned into flaming, smoking crash-test exhibits on the White Sands Missile Range.
From Commercial Dud to Military Target
Let’s not sugarcoat anything here – the Cybertruck has been limping across the market like a level 1 character sent into a boss fight armed with a bent spoon. The grand production ramp Musk hyped turned into a parade of low sales figures – less than 40,000 units matched against a much higher planned capacity. A mere 7,100 rolled out in Q1 of this year. Commercial buyers have shrugged, critics have roasted it, and Tesla has resorted to dangling incentives like it’s handing out in-game loot drops to keep people interested.
Now, the U.S. military sees another “feature”: the vehicle’s supposed resistance to “the normal extent of damage” upon impact. Translation? They’re stubborn to break, which makes them perfect to test how hard you can hit them until they turn into space debris. The Air Force wants two of them specifically for “target vehicle training flight test events.” If enemy combatants ever roll up in stainless steel, angular clown cars, our forces will be locked and loaded – prepared by… practice runs against Elon’s post-apocalyptic Lego creation.
Spec Ops, Stainless Steel, and Sci-Fi Styling
The SOCOM Stand Off Precision Guided Munitions program is behind the move, shipping a fleet of vehicles (including Bongo trucks, SUVs, and pickups) to White Sands, New Mexico, for testing scenarios. That includes – for reasons likely buried under classified redactions – two Cybertrucks. Yes, apparently somewhere out there, there’s a classified scenario in which America’s “enemies” ditch Toyota pickups for electric stainless-steel war wedges.
Market research for the program praises the Cybertruck’s angular design, stainless exoskeleton, and “superior” 48V electrical system – bragging points Musk has been preaching since launch. The government’s study notes that these qualities differentiate it from painted-steel or aluminum rivals. The irony? These are the same “unique” design choices that made everyday drivers look at it and decide to buy literally anything else.
Surgical Strike or Just Shooting Fish in a Barrel?
As your friendly internet MD, I’d diagnose this military decision as a fascinating case of “desired application discovered well after product release.” It’s like a new drug that was meant to save your life but turns out to be amazing at dissolving chewing gum in lab tests instead. In gaming terms, this is the NPC weapon you’d never equip… but your enemies inexplicably might. And if they do, the Air Force intends to be the sweaty PvP tryhard that’s already practiced headshots on it for months.
Of course, the truly tinfoil-hatted among us might wonder: is this just about testing munitions? Or is it a cheeky way to mask the fact that the government thinks Cybertrucks might actually be militarily viable for someone, somewhere? There’s a modded Arma 3 scenario in here just waiting to happen.
The Sweet Irony of State-Mandated Obliteration
From a PR standpoint, this might be the most photogenic failure in Tesla history. The car’s initial marketing push was full of promises: rugged utility, cutting-edge tech, indestructibility. Reality check? It’s about to become a literal bullseye for missile tests. The Air Force has, without intending to, finally illustrated the most practical real-world benefit of the Cybertruck: serving as a very expensive, semi-armored piñata with a front-row seat to its own destruction.
If you strip it down, this whole affair is an accidental masterpiece of poetic justice. A car nobody wanted to buy will now die in the most spectacular way imaginable – on camera, in explosions funded by taxpayer dollars, in the name of defending against hypothetical stainless-steel insurgents. It’s tragic, it’s hilarious, and it’s probably the closest the Cybertruck will ever come to achieving legendary status.
Overall impression? This is good news for military testing realism, bad news for Tesla’s dignity, and pure comedy gold for the rest of us.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is entirely my opinion.
Article source: The Air Force Wants to Use Cybertrucks for Target Practice, https://gizmodo.com/the-air-force-wants-to-use-cybertrucks-for-target-practice-2000640105.
