Perplexity’s $34.5B Chrome Takeover: Insane Gambit or Silicon Valley Madness?
Hello everyone. Brace yourselves, because today’s story feels like it came out of a fever dream brought on by too many cans of Monster Energy and a suspicious green glow in the corner of your browser tab. Perplexity – yes, that little AI startup you’ve maybe heard of if you accidentally clicked the wrong link on Hacker News – has gone and offered $34.5 billion in cold, hard cash to buy Chrome. From Google. Let that sink in.
That’s right: An AI outfit with an $18 billion valuation thinks it can double down on itself like some kind of Silicon Valley poker player on a Red Dead Redemption binge, slap its chips on the table, and yell “All in!” at one of the largest tech empires in existence. And they’ve got the gall to call this “a serious proposal.” Sure, guys. And I’m secretly the final boss in Doom Eternal.
Valuations, Virtual Pipe Dreams, and Venture Capital Vaudeville
Let’s talk about the numbers as if they’re not completely absurd. Chrome’s value is estimated between $20 and $50 billion by analysts – you know, the same breed of people who call a crypto market crash “a correction.” So Perplexity is essentially offering a middle-of-the-road $34.5 billion. They claim the money’s lined up, backed by “major” VCs. Oh, the invisible friends of the tech world – always there when you need them, until the due diligence process turns up skeletons in the cap table.
They’re pitching this as a way to grab Chrome’s 3.5 billion users – the digital equivalent of catching ’em all in Pokémon, except instead of cute creatures, you get a global swarm of tab-hoarding, ad-blocker-using, cookie-resenting netizens. And with their AI integration dreams, Perplexity argues they could reshape the browser market and challenge Apple’s Safari dominance on mobile. That’s adorable. Like buying the Millennium Falcon and telling people you’ll use it for grocery runs.
The Open-Source Safety Net
Now, here’s where it gets a touch less insane: the Chromium project – the open-source base under Chrome and other browsers – would still exist. That means Edge, DuckDuckGo, Opera, and all the Electron-based Slack-clones you love to hate would still run. Good news for web developers: you’re still going to spend your days trying to get CSS to stop looking like it was designed in MS Paint.
Apple in the Shadows
Here’s where the conspiracy theorist in me starts rubbing his hands: rumors suggest Apple might be lurking, watching this whole circus play out. If they acquired Perplexity after it snatches Chrome, they’d get the ultimate internet prize – one of the most-used browsers on Earth. That’s not just a win; that’s controlling the rules of the bloody game. Ads? Data? Web standards? All in-house. It’s like giving Palpatine control of both the Death Star and the Jedi Temple. Sleep tight.
Google’s Predictable Recoil
And then there’s Google, standing there like an MMO raid boss refusing to drop the loot no matter how many times the party wipes. They’ve flat-out rejected any Chrome sell-off, claiming it would be a threat to user security and their “data collection systems” – which is corporate jargon for “we own your soul and we’d like to keep it, thanks.” They’ve also been slugging it out with the DOJ over antitrust rulings, and this offer isn’t exactly going to make them roll over like a tired pug.
Reality Check
Let’s be blunt: right now there’s as much chance of Google selling Chrome to Perplexity as there is of me prescribing a placebo made of RGB LEDs for a fever. Yes, regulatory pressure could change things in the future – governments do love their dramatic plot twists three seasons in – but until that moment, this is all smoke, mirrors, and VC theatre.
If, by some cosmic fault in the matrix, this sale did happen, it would go down as one of the largest and most controversial tech acquisitions in history. The kind of thing business schools would study for decades, and Reddit would never, ever stop making memes about.
Conclusion
My verdict? Bold move, but utterly divorced from reality. Perplexity’s offer is the equivalent of a level 10 player walking into a raid meant for level 90s, wearing mismatched gear, and expecting to be crowned guild master by lunch. Entertaining as hell to watch, but as far as outcomes go? Don’t hold your breath.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is entirely my opinion.
Article source: Perplexity offers $34.5B to buy Chrome from Google, https://phandroid.com/2025/08/13/perplexity-offers-34-5b-to-buy-chrome-from-google/
