The Hunt for Whiskers in Technicolor Mediocrity – A Rant Review of “Hidden Cats: Old Amusement Park”
Hello everyone. It seems we’ve reached a point in gaming where combing through a grayscale backdrop like some underpaid intern with a magnifying glass has been elevated to the pinnacle of entertainment… and people are lapping it up because there are cats. Yes, digital cats. Look, I get it-everyone loves cats. They’re floofy, judgmental, and much better than most humans in terms of personality. But when your game pitch boils down to “you find 101 hidden cats while coloring in a park from 1940’s depression-era postcards”, I start to question whether gaming innovation died and no one told me.
The Big Sell: Adorable Cats in an Abandoned Theme Park
We’re promised a “mysterious abandoned amusement park.” Sounds exciting, right? That tagline alone could birth a dozen horror or narrative-driven masterpieces-except here, it’s mostly a backdrop for a drag-and-drop “find the thing” clickathon. Oh, there’s “nice background music” too, because nothing says adrenaline like a generic royalty-free tune looping every 45 seconds while you squint at pixelated shrubbery wondering if that grey blob is a cat or an untextured rock. Suspenseful stuff, folks.
Game Features: A Doctor’s Diagnosis
- 101 hidden cats – Because 100 would be too neat and 102 would bankrupt the polygon budget.
- There is a hint – Revolutionary. Next you’ll tell me W was forward in Half-Life.
- The map is colorable – So, an amateur children’s coloring book simulator with click mechanics? Got it.
- 2.5D – The marketing term for “we couldn’t afford full 3D but want to sound fancy.”
- Brightness customization – An adjustment so players can finally spot that one camouflaged furball hiding in plain sight.
- Save progress – Truly we live in the future.
- Scaling – As a doctor, I approve of adjustments to scale-keeps the eye strain lawsuits away.
- Relaxing music – Nothing says relaxation like background noise repetitive enough to hypnotize you into buying the DLC for “Hidden Cats: Municipal Garbage Dump.”
System Requirements… or Lack Thereof
I love it when the game’s minimum system requirements are essentially “Does it turn on? Yes? Then it runs.” With specs like a potato clocked to a brisk 2.3 GHz and 300 MB of storage, you could probably run this on a mildly intelligent toaster. And frankly, when a game promises to not tax your hardware, it had better tax your brain instead. Guess which one’s more likely.
Conspiracy Corner
You ever get the feeling that these “find the hidden object” games are just psychological experiments dressed up in fur? Like somewhere, in a shadowy server room, some behavioral scientist is plotting the next dopamine hit trigger. Click on a cat, get a chime. Brain associates chime with happiness. Next thing you know, you’re pre-ordering Hidden Cats: Moon Base Alpha because you’ve been Pavlov’d into it. Coincidence? I think not.
Final Thoughts
If your gaming nirvana is slow-paced, low-stakes cat-spotting accompanied by soft audio and light painting, this will be your digital warm blanket. If you’re expecting actual gameplay beyond “click on thing to win,” then you might want to spend your time elsewhere. Am I intrigued by the concept? Not really. Am I horrified that this somehow will have a cult following and at least three spin-offs? Absolutely. My prognosis as a doctor? The patient is stable-but only because it’s been in a medically induced coma since conception.
Overall impression? Bad, unless you really, really like cats and playing “Where’s Waldo” under the pretense of gaming culture.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is entirely my opinion.
Article source: Hidden Cats: Old Amusement Park, https://store.steampowered.com/app/3908190/Hidden_Cats_Old_Amusement_Park/
