Hollywood’s Sequel Machine Is Dead: It’s Time to Pull the Plug Now
Hello everyone. Today, I’m donning my metaphorical surgical gloves – because frankly, the state of Hollywood’s never-ending sequel machine requires sterile conditions to prevent narrative infection. We’ve got rumors, half-baked plot pitches, shameless nostalgia bait, and the desperate clinging to franchises that should have been humanely euthanized years ago. Let’s open this patient up and see what kind of festering creative tumors we’re dealing with.
Black Panther 3: The Denzel Whisper
Denzel Washington, when asked about his rumored role in Black Panther 3, gave a teasing “That’s between me and Ryan Coogler.” Which is just the cinematic equivalent of dangling a healing potion over a raid party and saying, “I might heal you, might not – let’s see if it’s funny.” We know Marvel will milk every drop of emotional juice from any casting announcement – the problem is, they’ve yet to prove they can handle subtlety without slapping a neon sign over it. If Denzel’s involvement turns into the plotline equivalent of a pre-order bonus skin – impressive in marketing but functionally worthless during gameplay – expect the collective groan to be heard from Wakanda to Wall Street.
Scream 7: The Core Four Must Die
Alison Brie says she’s on board to return to the Scream franchise, but only if the “core four” characters get axed. Personally, I applaud the ruthlessness. In horror, survival loses its charm when it’s turned into a low-stakes game of zombie tag. The brilliance of Scream 2 was killing Jamie Kennedy’s Randy – it told the audience that rules were out the window. Now? It’s become a cloying cuddle puddle for fan favorites. Kill a few, let us feel something besides manufactured nostalgia, and for the love of Ghostface – make sure their deaths are as brutal and memorable as an old-school Doom gibbing.
The Blob: Now with More AI
David S. Goyer’s upcoming Blob remake will once again have the monster made in a lab – but now with AI and gene editing thrown in for “relevance.” Because apparently, we can’t tell a classic monster story without shoehorning in the 2025 tech panic bingo card. Let me guess: It’ll be an AI-assisted blob that optimizes how it devours you, leaving a performance review on your digestion? This reeks of “topical” sci-fi horror, the kind slapped together at the story buffet with a ladle of ChatGPT paranoia and a garnish of CRISPR fear-mongering. Done right, it could be satirical gold. Done wrong, it’s just Upgrade’s sloppy cousin.
Witchboard: Remake Roulette
Chuck Russell is remaking Witchboard – because why not sacrifice another slab of 80’s horror cheese to the altar of modern mediocrity? There’s a clip floating around that’s apparently meant to excite us, but much like rerolling a bad loot drop, it mostly just makes me question why we’re grinding through the same lousy content again.
Dream Eater: Sleepwalking into Possession
Dream Eater – a found-footage horror about a sleepwalker possibly possessed by a demon – hits theaters October 24. Found-footage is the Jenga tower of horror formats: put one shaky camera too many in the wrong spot and the whole thing collapses into cliché. Still, fresh ideas in this genre are as rare as a game developer releasing a finished, bug-free AAA title, so I’ll begrudgingly cross my fingers for this one.
Resident Alien: The Movie That Might Be
Chris Sheridan hints at future Resident Alien movies – eventually. Which in Hollywood-speak is code for “We’ll revive it when nostalgia can be most profitably mined.” Alan Tudyk suggested a crossover with Predator, a concept so absurd it actually loops around to being brilliant. I would pay to see Predator attempt small-town politics while Tudyk’s alien delivers sass and shotgun diplomacy. But, much like promises of MMO expansions, “maybe someday” is the death knell for fan enthusiasm. Make it or don’t – but stop flooding the waiting room with “possible but not announced” handshakes.
Final Diagnosis
On the operating table, Hollywood’s patient shows signs of life – but is dangerously addicted to sequel infusions and nostalgia stimulants. There are glimmers of creativity here, but they’re buried under rehashes, corporate caution, and the cynical application of “current events” as seasoning. Much like grinding an old MMO dungeon, we keep getting the same loot, just recolored, and told it’s epic tier. It’s not – it’s salvage material.
Final verdict? Bad prognosis. Unless someone in the writer’s room grows a spine – or at least tries a new healing spell on this bloated corpse of familiarity – these projects will end up as yet more entries in the ever-swelling appendix of lazy Hollywood cash-grabs.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is entirely my opinion.
Source: Alison Brie Wants to Make a Return to ‘Scream’, https://gizmodo.com/alison-brie-scream-7-return-2000641242
